Nobody expects the British Inquisition
by SailorYue
Summary: The Them find out why Crowley didn't like the Spanish Inquisition


Came up with this idea from a discussion on r/good omens discord

...

It was a nice afternoon, late in the summer, just two weeks after the end of the world DIDN'T happen. It was less than a week before the start of school. Because of this, Adam was allowed to play with his friends one last time. Aziraphale and Crowley had decided to pop into Tadfield to check on the boy who was the anti-Christ and see it here was any lasting effects of what he had done. The two found the Them in their hangout area of the forest playing their games.

"Well hello, children." Aziraphale greeted them warmly. Crowley stood at his leg as usual, staring at Adam. "We were just passing through and wanted to say hello."

"Do we know you?" Brian asked them. "You seem familiar."

"Actually, yes Brian, we met them at the airbase, or atleast saw them. Things are fuzzy about what happened there. " Wensleydale responded.

Crowley let out a very small snort knowing full why the children couldn't remember things clearly. For the best really.

"I hope we didn't interrupt your game." The angel beamed at the children, sensing nothing out of the ordinary. "It looked quite fun. What do you call it?"

"The British Inquisition." Pepper piped up. She had a witch's hat on her head.

"Sorry what?" Crowley looked a her, jaw set in a tight clench.

"You know, like the Spanish Inquisition."

The demon seemed to have forgotten to breathe. "I know what the Spanish Inquisition is!"

The children all jumped a his tone. Aziraphale rushed in front of his friend. Through the opaque shades he could see Crowley's eyes had turned full yellow, almost no white to be seen.

"Crowley, dear. Breath." The angel placed his hands on his dear friend's shoulders.

"Angel..." His voice was a low panicked hiss.

"My dear, I think you should head back to the car, yes?" The demon took a deep breath and nodded. "Good. Go on then, I'll catch up in a bit."

They watched as the lanky demon rushed off to his precious Bentley.

"What did I say?" Pepper asked confused and worried.

Aziraphale turned to her. "Oh no, dear child it was nothing that you meant to do, I can promise you that." He fidgetted with his hands momentarily. "It's just that, we are much older than we appear, an we've lived through the real Spanish Inquisition. It certainly wasn't the best time for either of us, but Crowley especially. His people gave him credit for inventing it and when he found out what the Spaniards were doing, well it nearly destroyed him. He spent the majority of that time period, well..." He couldn't just tell a group of eleven year olds that the demon spent half a century drunk. "Depressed."

"Oh, I'm sorry then. We had no idea." Adam poke up from his chair. "We learned about it in school, and it seemed bad yes, but not as bad as you guys make it out."

Aziraphale gave a sad smile. "Ah, yes. Unfortunately i believe historians prefer to pretend things weren't as bad as they actually were. I you children ever want a history lesson from someone who's lived through it, I'm sure Crowley and myself would be open to properly educate you."

"Actually that would be great." Wensleydale piped up.

The angel beamed. "Well, I should be going now. I don't want to leave Crowley too alone, he'd like to fall asleep, and it's dreadfully difficult getting him up when that happens."

The Them wave as he heads to the top of the hill. He finds his dear friend laying in the back of the car.

"My dear, are you ok?" He asked tentatively, peering over the seat.

Crowley had taken off his glasses; Aziraphale noted his eyes were normal. He sat up from his position.

"Ngkyeah." He muttered. "Sorry bout that."

"It's ok. So long are you are fine." He didn't want to pressure the demon, knowing how he felt when he had such panic attacks.

"They were pretending about..." Crowley flailed his hand, not wanting to say the words. "And then I flip out!" He bangs his forehead on the seat in front of him. "Probably think I hate them now."

The angel smiled warm, patting him on the shoulder. "Quite the contrary. I explained what happened and even offered to help further their education."

The demon looked up at the angel. "Oh do you now?"

"Oh yes. The human education system seems to be lacking."

Crowley shook his head, putting his glasses back on. "Come on, angel. Let's get back to London, I could use a drink."


End file.
